The Lightning Thief Parody
by DarkPaladin000
Summary: A parody of the Lighting Thief. No, it's not supposed to make sense. Enjoy! Continued in the Heroes of Olympus Parody.
1. The Bozo Beginning

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

**Olympus**

Zeus, Poseidon, Hera, Athena and Hermes had gathered on Olympus because Zeus had a few important announcements to make.

"The first thing is, I am officially changing my name to Juice," Zeus said.

"Why juice?" Poseidon asked.

"Well, you see, some people call me Jupiter, and others call me Zeus, so I can fuse them to make Zupiter, which sounds like Zoopiter and is pretty stupid. So I've decided to stick with Jeus, or Juice, as it is pronounced," Zeus said.

"You called us here to tell us that?" Poseidon asked. "Please, God of War 3 is coming out and I want to get it as soon as possible."

"No, the thing is that my lightning bolt has been stolen. After analyzing the facts, I have come to the conclusion that it was stolen by a Son of Hermes, and was subsequently taken from him by Ares, both of whom are being manipulated by my father, Kronos, who wishes to rise from Tartarus and destroy us."

"That's the most illogical thing ever. That can't be true," Athena said.

"Perhaps you're right. Well, I know for sure that I haven't left in the vending machine again,"

"And it's not in my bathroom," Poseidon admitted.

"Why would it be in your bathroom?" Zeus asked.

"Well, the thing is, bro, I sometimes use your lightning bolt to unclog my toilet," Poseidon admitted.

"WHAT! I WILL CAST YOU INTO TARTARUS! I AM JUICE, LORD OF THE HEAVENS! FEAR ME, FOR I ALONE HAVE THE POWER TO SPEAK WITH CAPS LOCK ON!" Juice/Zeus screamed.

"Shouldn't you be trying to find the thief?" Hera pointed out. "After all, he has the most powerful weapon in the universe."

"No," Zeus said. "He forgot to take the batteries." He held up two pencil AA batteries in his hand.

"The most powerful weapon in the universe works on batteries? What did you use when they weren't invented?" Hermes asked, but as usual, everyone ignored him.

"Yes, but they could just buy a pair of batteries," Hera said. "I think that we should blame Poseidon for this."

"Why me?" Poseidon asked.

"Because it's written in the manual right here, "In case of unsolvable emergency, blame Poseidon and/or his children," Hera said holding up a book that said 'Manual' on the cover.

"True. I give you time till the Winter Solstice to return the bolt," Zeus said.

"Why?" Poseidon asked.

"Because I also use it to scratch my back, and my itching ointment will have run out by then," Zeus replied.

**Meanwhile, in the Underworld,**

Hades was frustrated and was ranting before Persephone.

"I can't believe my helmet is gone!" He shouted. "How do I ride my scooter or bicycle without my safety helmet? Or play Wii sports?"

"What does a helmet have to do with Wii sports?" Persephone asked.

"I don't know, but one must take care of safety. It says here in the manual that we should blame Poseidon for these kinds of events, so that's what I'll do," Hades said with resolve.

**A few months later, in Percy's life.**

Percy Jackson was a prodigy. He managed to come last in every race, score bottom marks on every single test that he got, and managed to cause accidents that cause everyone severe trauma.

But today, when he went home, he saw someone waiting for him. (It was Poseidon disguised as a man.)

"Who are you?" Percy asked.

"I have a white beard and I came into your house without using the door. Who could I be?" Poseidon asked.

"You're Santa Claus!" Percy gasped.

"Yes! I mean no, I am your father," Poseidon said.

"My father is Santa Claus? But how come I don't get any presents for Christmas?" Percy asked.

"I'm not Santa. The thing is, there's the quarrel on Olympus, and the manual says that I should go put the entire problem onto the shoulders of my unsuspecting and rather powerless children. So, Percy, you must realize that everything is about to change. I was supposed to tell you this two months ago, but I was too busy playing God of War 3 to bother until now."

"Don't you die in that game?" Percy asked.

"No, I'm Santa Claus, remember?" Poseidon said.

"This is confusing. I don't get anything," Percy said.

"God, you're stupid boy. Just like your father," Poseidon said.

"But I thought you were my father," Percy said.

"I thought you said that your father was Santa Claus!" Poseidon shouted. "You need to start being consistent. Anyway, that's all the time I'm going to waste talking to you. Chow."

To be continued….

In the next chapter.


	2. My Father's Lightsaber

The next day, Percy was going to school, when he met his best friend, Grover.

In this fanfic, Grover is French. No one knows why. Not even the author.

"What 'iz it, Persy?" Grover asked in the fakest fake French accent that you can imagine.

No, like seriously, imagine the worst French accent imitation on the planet. That's better than Grover's.

"Well, it's 'Bring your anaconda to school day', and everyone's brought their pet anaconda. We're the only ones without one," Percy said.

"Well, Persy, there' iz something more important to tell you. While I was up in 'ze morning, putting on my French clothes, wearing French shoes, and eating French fries-"

"Grover, you know French fries aren't French, right?" Percy pointed out.

"Yes, well, 'ze point is dat I have been hiding something from you. I come from a family of Butlers, who 'ave been guardians for centuries. I was sent to an island where dare was Madame Ko's academy," Grover said.

"It think you've been reading the wrong children's novel, Grover," Percy said.

"Well, I must tell you about Ms. Dodds," Grover said. Ms. Dodds was their Maths teacher, but instead of teaching Maths, she made everyone in the class read _The Twilight Saga _and _The Vampire Diaries._

"Well, you see, she 'iz a Fury," Grover said.

"What's that?" Percy asked.

"When rabid fanboys/fangirls die, the rest of their soul moves on to the Underworld, but the fangirl/fanboy in them never vanishes. It takes on 'ze form of a Fury. Initially, 'zey were few, but then they increased in number and Hades now uses them to punish people," Grover said. He didn't get any further because it was time for them to go to Ms. Dodds class.

"Now, class," Ms. Dodds said. "I know that it's 'Bring your anaconda to school' day, but that doesn't mean that we won't be studying." The rest of the class was boring, but then, later on, Ms. Dodds called Percy to her office.

"Where is the lightning bolt?" she asked, slamming the desk.

"Which lightning bolt?" Percy asked.

"The one that was mentioned in the first chapter. Didn't you read it?" Ms. Dodds said.

"Uh, I kind of skipped to the part where it was about me," Percy admitted.

"It's always about you, isn't it, Percy?" Ms. Dodds said, and then transformed into her true rabid fangirl form.

"You see Percy, I was once loved and had a large family. But then I was betrayed and left alone to wither," Ms. Dodds began.

"How does that have anything to do with me?" Percy asked.

"It doesn't! Why do you think everything's about you?" Ms. Dodds shrieked as she prepared to attack Percy.

Just then, Chiron in his wheelchair burst in.

"Percy, take this to defend yourself!" Chiron shouted. He tossed Percy a pen. "That's your father's lightsaber!"

"But this is a pen," Percy pointed out.

"True. Thing is that I lost that lightsaber a long time ago, so you'll have to make do with that pen," Chiron said flimsily.

"Well guess what, Ms. Dodds? Even though I have no weapons and or training, I'm still the main character. So yeah, it's all about me. And that means that I'll beat you no matter what!" Percy screamed.

"No!" Ms. Dodds shrieked in pain as Percy shot a 'Main Character Fireball' at her. She burnt to ashes, and then only Chiron and Percy were left in the office.

"So, this pen, if I remove the cap, does it change into a sword? And if I lose it, does it come back into my pocket?" Percy asked.

"What kind of fantasy world do you live in, boy? Of course not, that's just a normal pen. I wonder where you get these ridiculous ideas from." Chiron said. "You must be quick Percy, for Narnia is in danger."

"I think everyone's read the wrong novel today," Percy said.


	3. Life at Camp

Percy, Grover, Dionysus, and Chiron were gathered in Dionysus' office.

If you're wondering why we've skipped to this scene, well, the scenes inbetween were considered far too violent to be shown to our audience and were henceforth censored.

"It was stupid," Percy complained. "I mean, I killed the Minotaur. It was the first coolest thing I've ever done, and it got censored. You should have heard the sound when I-"

"Percy, it was due to your actions that it was censored," Dionysus answered. He was wearing an eye patch and an entire pirate's costume, complete with a wooden leg.

"Why 'iz he wearing an eye patch?" Grover asked.

"Well, you see, when Dionysus was born, his dad was drunk and threw a sword, Zar'roc at him," Chiron said.

"Once again, you've read the wrong novel," Percy said.

"Hmm, then in that case it was because he ignored his parents' warning about not running around the house holding scissors in his hand," Chiron said. "And since he got an eye patch because of that, he decided to go all the way with the idea and now dresses up as a pirate."

"So anyway," Dionysus said. "You're now at the only safe place for demigods in the world."

"What about Camp Jupiter?" Grover asked.

"Grover! Don't insert plot spoilers into this fanfic!" Chiron said.

"Sorry," Grover said.

"Anyway," Dionysus continued, "You must now get Zeus' lightning bolt back and give it to him by the Winter Solstice. And you only have twenty-four hours to do it."

"Then we should start looking immediately," Percy said.

"I would suggest that you first rescue Annabeth, one of our students who has vanished. She was last seen going to the Starbucks café where Medusa is said to hide," Chiron said.

Just then, Luke rushed into the room.

"Why are you wearing a "Free the Titans" t-shirt?" Percy asked.

"Nothing," Luke said and took off his shirt to reveal a new one, which said "I am the Lightning Thief". He looked at it sheepishly before he was stopped from trying to take it off by Chiron, who said that they didn't need another invasion of fangirls.

"Anyway, I overheard your conversation-" Luke began.

"You were eavesdropping," Grover said.

"-and I wanted to give you this," Luke said, holding up a pair of white sneakers with feathers on them. "You can use these to fly. And oh yeah, get my girlfriend back as soon as possible, 'kay?"

"She izn't your girlfriend," Grover said.

"Yes she is! She loves me," Luke replied.

"As a brother. It'z revealed in 'ze fifth book," Grover said.

"Grover! What did I tell you about plot spoilers?" Chiron asked.

"To… not to say them?" Grover replied.

"This is stupid," Dionysus said, and then used his godly powers to escape from the room.

"Well, Dionysus just said that you guys are stupid. That's really saying something, so I would suggest that you rescue Annabeth as quickly as possible," Chiron said.

And so, our two lone heroes set out on an adventure, a journey, which would take them all across the Kanto region, and they would meet all kinds of Pok- sorry, wrong script.


	4. Brock's Lair

Percy and Grover first decided to consult with the Oracle before setting out on their quest.

"I've heard dat dis Oracle possesses the most beautiful lady available at the time. I look forward to our meeting," Grover said dreamily.

Just then, the Oracle walked up to them. And she was as desiccated, mummified, and creepy as ever.

"She iz gorgeous!" Grover exclaimed.

"I think many would disagree," Percy said. "What's the prophecy?"

The Oracle opened her mouth, but instead of a prophecy, she began singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."

"You better not shout, you better not cry…" she began.

"What's this supposed to mean?" Grover asked.

"I know! My father is Santa Claus, so he must be coming to help us," Percy said.

"Percy, you know that really wasn't Santa Claus in the first chapter, don't you?" Grover said.

"Then who was he?" Percy asked.

"He was an Olympian god," Grover said.

"That's just ridiculous," Percy said.

"And how 'iz 'im being Santa Claus plausible?" Grover asked.

"It just is. You have to believe, Grover, or he won't come," Percy said, who had watched _The Polar Express _one time too many.

Anyway, after a brief detour involving Gummy Bears, the Black Eyed Peas, and an abandoned Cheetos factory, all of which are not related to the plot line in anyway whatsoever, our heroes arrived at the Starbucks Café where Medusa was located.

A large line of statues littered the front of the café, but they entered regardless of the danger.

"Okay, so I have to beat Medusa in such a way that it looks cool and isn't censored," Percy said.

"I know you can do it," Grover said.

Strangely enough, the inside of the café was desolate. There were a large number of boulders surrounding Percy and Grover, and they began to tense.

"My spider senses are tingling. There's someone here," Percy said.

Just then, Brock from Pokemon jumped out from behind a boulder.

"Guys, I just wanted to say some things, so why don't we just sit down and talk?" he asked.

In a few minutes, they were sitting around a camp fire and Grover was roasting marshmallows.

"Well, you must have noticed that on T.V. my eyes are always closed, you know?" Brock said.

"Yeah," Percy said.

"Well, that's because I was given the curse of the goddess Medusa. See, one day I challenged Zeus to a Pokemon battle. Since he's god of the sky and lightning, he used only Flying and Electric type Pokemon, and as we know, they were no match for my Rock and Ground type Pokemon. He was a pretty sore loser, and so gave me this curse," Brock said. "Ever since then, I've been forced to keep my eyes closed just like this throughout all of the episodes. Also, I only train Rock type Pokemon, because you can't turn stone to stone. So, Medusa isn't here at all, it's just me."

"That was probably retarded enough to destroy our remaining fanbase," Percy said. "Now, surrender to me, because I'm a Son of Poseidon. That means that I use Water types."

"No!" Brock screamed. "I surrender! I surrender! It's not like I was doing anything anyway, those statues are just statues."

Just then Annabeth walked in, perfectly unharmed. "I was watching television. Where are those scrolls I risked my life to get?"  
"That's what we've been burning for our fire," Percy said.

Annabeth then screamed at them uncontrollably for several minutes. The words have been censored, as you can imagine.

"Wow, you're bossy, and you're the smart one. Why are you a complete rip-off of Hermionie from Harry Potter?" Percy asked.

"If that 'iz true, then I am Ron! So in 'ze end I hook up with Annabeth!" Grover said.

"No way!" Annabeth said.

"I am sorry, but I 'ave already sworn my heart to someone," Grover replied, who had clearly heard none of what Annabeth had said.

"Well, it's the end of the chapter," Brock said. "Don't we all run into the sunset at this point?"

"This isn't Pokemon," Percy pointed out.


	5. I Meet the God of Rock

After avoiding several attacks by rabid fangirls, our heroes finally made their way to a Burger King store.

"Why is there a Burger King store in the middle of the woods?" Percy asked.

"Don't ask me, I am 'ze comic relief," Grover answered.

Inside, the entire place was empty. They all sat down at a table 14st when Apollo walked into the place. He was dressed up in a red leather jacket and was-

"Wait, isn't there something wrong here?" Annabeth asked. "Isn't Ares supposed to come at this point in the story?"

As I was saying, Apollo was also wearing a-

"How do you know what's going to happen in the story?" Percy asked.

Apollo also had a-

"It's written right here, in the script," Annabeth said, holding up a white piece of paper that said 'Script' at the top.

Okay, I give up. No one cares what Apollo was wearing.

"We have a script?" Percy asked incredulously. "Why is this news to me?"

"All you had to do to find it was look into your pocket," Annabeth pointed out.

"Hey, yeah, here it is. It's pristine because I've never bothered reading it," Percy said.

"Listen, Perseus," Apollo said, interrupting them.

"Who's this Perseus guy?" Percy asked. Annabeth and Grover each did a facepalm.

"Whatever, dudes," Apollo said. "I like, have this job for you."

"I ask again, isn't Ares supposed to trick us at this point instead of you? It says in the script that we have to follow the plot of _The Lightning Thief_ as closely as possible," Annabeth said.

"Maybe 'ze writer forgot how to spell Ares and wrote Apollo instead," Grover said. The other two nodded, thinking it was plausible.

"Well, Ares wanted to come to torment, I mean _help_ you, but he's too busy beating up the writing staff of God of War. He says that they make him look bad," Apollo said. "So I'm here to fill in for him. So now like, I want you to get my electric guitar which is in a rather suspicious location and anyone with half a brain could see that it's really a trap."

"Okay, we'll do it," Annabeth said. "It says here in the script that we have to go blindly into his trap like gullible children, so I suppose we have no choice."

"By the way, why did you fill in for Ares?" Percy asked.

"You see, I kind of needed money for fuel for the Sun Chariot, and this role was open, so I decided to take it," Apollo explained.

"You get _paid_ for this?" Percy asked. "How come all of this is news to me? How much are you paid?"

Apollo showed them his contract. All three of them gasped.

"Forty-five cents a year?" Grover exclaimed. "'Zat is fifty cents more than what I get paid in a year."

"Yeah, I'm pretty much rolling in cash now," Apollo said. "You guys should probably go now."

And so, they set out to the amusement part where Apollo's electric guitar was. On the way, Grover managed to find a poodle and decided to keep it.

"Why are you keeping a poodle?" Percy asked.

"It adds to my Frenchness," Grover said.

They then came upon the boat and the ride where the electric guitar in question was in plain sight. Percy and Annabeth made their way to the guitar, but the moment they picked it up, a thread attached to it snapped and they were trapped inside a huge net.

"I didn't see that coming at all," Percy said.

"Don't worry, I'll save you!" Grover shouted. He put on the flying shoes that Luke had given Percy, but for some reason, they weren't working properly and he just ended up flying around aimlessly.

"Those shoes are made up of English leather," Annabeth said. "Grover's Frenchness, which is the exact opposite of Englishness, must be messing with their powers. Now how are we supposed to get out?"

Just then, Percy turned his eyes to the cameras mounted above them, the dam filled with water behind them, the guitar, and the fact that they were in a boat.

"I have an idea for an escape plan," he said.

"What?" Annabeth asked.

"Look, we take the wires connected to those cameras and use them to power the electric guitar. Then, I start playing Christmas-themed songs on the guitar. We take some water out of the dam, and then freeze it to make some snow and sprinkle it everywhere. Santa will think it is Christmas and visit us, and then we can ask him to help us escape," Percy said with a huge grin on his face, as if asking, 'Just how smart am I?'

Annabeth slapped him so hard that its echo was heard even by Kronos at the bottom of Tartarus.

"THAT WAS THE STUPIDEST ESCAPE PLAN THAT I'VE EVER HEARD! HOW IS EVEN HALF OF THAT SUPPOSED TO WORK OUT?" she screamed.

"How come you can talk in all caps-lock? I thought only Zeus could do that," Percy said. Annabeth slapped him again.

"Perseus, focus, and think of something good," Annabeth said.

"Who is this Perseus guy everyone keeps talking about?" Percy asked, obviously very confused.

"IT'S-YOUR-REAL-NAME!" Annabeth said, slapping Percy after every word.

"Why isn't all of this slapping being censored? I mean, violence against me is okay, but when I kill the Minotaur it has to be blocked?" Percy asked.

"Censor this!" Annabeth screamed. She then did something, which, well, had to be censored.

Fifteen minutes later, when Percy finally regained cognizance, he was in front of the Lotus Casino.

"You see, we managed to get out while you were unconscious, and then we rode the Knight Bus to this place," Annabeth explained.

"A casino," Percy said. "Something tells me that there will be a lot of censoring going on in the next chapter."


	6. Insert Chapter Name Here

We interrupt this fanfiction to bring you this important message: The board of directors is busy arguing over what and what not to censor when our heroes walk into the casino. While they're busy arguing, we've decided to give you this random chapter to enjoy while we work on the next one.

**The inside of a volcano**

Poseidon and all of his crew were busy partying inside the middle of an active volcano. His son, whose name no one remembers, asked him something.

"Hey dad, we're water gods, right? So why are we partying in a volcano? How does that make sense?"

"It made sense in _Madagascar 2_ when King Julian said it," Poseidon replied. "And anyway, don't you make your debut in book 5?"

"Yes, but I decided that I didn't get enough screen time, so here I am," he replied. "By the way, weren't you supposed to give Percy those magic pearls?"

"Whatever," Poseidon said. "I'm sure he'll be perfectly fine without them."

**Meanwhile on Olympus**

Zeus walked into the throne room to see Ares beating some random godling up.

"Look, Ares," Zeus said. "We should all be kind and merciful to people. Whatever that godling did, you should forgive it and let him go."

"He said Dragon Ball Z sucks," Ares said.

"CAST HIM INTO TARTARUS!" Zeus screamed. Once Ares had done it, Ares asked,

"What happened about your lightning bolt?"

"What lightning bolt?" Zeus asked.

"The all-powerful lightning bolt that you keep threatening to go to war with Poseidon over," Ares said.

"Oh, that one. I'm sure that whoever that hero is, he'll get it back," Zeus said.

"He's a son of Poseidon," Ares said.

"What! That means that my brother is Santa Claus! Then why do I get coal for Christmas every single year?" Zeus said.

Ares realized that nothing he was going to say would penetrate Zeus' thick skull.

"Whatever. Did you play the latest God of War game?" Ares asked.

"Yeah, I really liked the part where you destroy Poseidon," Zeus said.

**Back inside the volcano**

"I don't know why," Poseidon said. "But I think Zeus is getting coal for Christmas this year as well."


	7. We now resume our fanfic

We now resume our original fanfic (which was already in progress).

Our heroes made their way into the Lotus Casino. It is the only place in this entire fanfic which even remotely resembles the real place in the book.

Grover was still carrying his poodle. Percy was sure it would be a vital plot device later on, so he stuffed the poodle into the backpack Apollo had given them because animals weren't allowed in the casino.

"Why did we come here by Knight Bus? Wasn't Apollo supposed to give us a ride?" Percy asked.

"He's conductor of the Knight Bus as a side job," Grover said. "Says 'e needs 'ze money."

Inside the casino, Percy began taking photographs, and he found an old stash of them in the corner somewhere. When no one was looking, he pocketed them. Grover was busy being French.

It was Annabeth who went towards the Karaoke machine. The moment she took the mike up, all activity in the casino ceased.

Lettuce eaters stopped eating lettuce. Percy stopped clicking random photographs. People stopped playing games. Grover momentarily forgot to be French. The music stopped abruptly.

Annabeth sang so horribly that the Lotus Eater's spell was negated and all over, people came to their senses. Percy and Grover eventually got migraines, and they were all thrown out of the casino and into Hades.

Now, the only thing they had to do was get past Charon. They tried bribery.

"Five dollars," he said.

"Five dollars!" Percy gasped. "Who carries around that much money? It looks like bribery won't work, so let's blackmail him."

Percy handed him one of the photographs he had picked up from the casino.

"Where on earth did you get that?" Charon said in horror.

"Now, take us to the Underworld, or that photo will be on the internet tomorrow," Percy said.

After arriving in the Underworld, the only other thing they had to get around was Cerberus.

"He's a three-headed dog, so we should play music and he'll fall asleep," Percy said.

"That only works in _Harry Potter,_" Annabeth said. "Still, let's try it." Annabeth started singing 'Row, row, row your boat'.

Surprisingly, Cerebrus did fall asleep. Either the dog had a very loose definition of music, or Annabeth's singing was so bad that he was knocked unconscious.

Along the way to Hades palace, they encountered a zombie who said,

"I will eat your brains,"

"You will starve," Percy replied. The zombie walked away. That was easy.

The moment that they entered Hades' palace, Hades spun around in his swiveling chair and said,

"At the risk of sounding clichéd, I've been expecting you. Now hand over the lightning bolt,"

"I don't have the lightning bolt," Percy replied.

"Check your backpack, idiot," Hades said. Percy did and saw that the lightning bolt was there. Thinking fast, he pointed it at Hades and tried to fire it. It didn't work.

"Didn't you read chapter one, Percy?" Annabeth asked. "The bolt doesn't have its batteries."

"Didn't _you _read chapter two? I only read the part of chapter one that was about me," Percy replied. "And why does the lightning bolt run on batteries?"

"It has to work on something," Hades replied.

"So what? There's like this law that says if you steal something from the gods, they can't come after you, right?" Percy asked.

"You're thinking of _Artemis Fowl._ And that's if you steal from the fairies, and if what you steal is gold," Hades pointed out.

"Quick Percy," Annabeth said. "There must be something in the script that can help us."

"But I've never read the script," Percy replied.

"That actually explains a lot," Hades said.

And so, Percy read through the entire script for this fanfic. "I hate this script," Percy said. "It makes me look stupid."

"I wouldn't blame the script, kid," Hades said.

"Here it is! We're supposed to get out by using those pearls that Poseidon gave us," Percy said.

There was silence. Dead silence.

"Percy, Poseidon was too busy partying to give us the pearls," Annabeth said. "So I guess that we're all doomed."

Just then, the pink poodle that Percy had hidden in his backpack jumped out.

"My poodle!" Hades exclaimed. "I lost you, and I've been missing you so much!" After crying for five minutes like a little girl, he finally said, "Okay, you've brought my poodle back. So I'll help you escape to the outside world."

"I knew that poodle was going to be important," Percy said.

And so, our heroes escaped the Underworld. Little did they know what would be waiting for them outside.


	8. The Dance-Off

At the beach that the three of them saw Apollo waiting for them.

"I see that you survived my trap," Apollo said.

"How did you know we were here?" Percy asked.

"Well, I didn't. I just turned up at random locations and this was the first, and you happened to come here," Apollo said.

"So why did you do it?" Grover asked.

"Do what?" Apollo asked.

"You know, everything, steal the lightning bolt, frame us, etc." Annabeth said.

There was silence. Dead silence. Apollo just stared at them for five minutes without giving them an answer.

"You don't have a reason, do you?" Percy asked.

"So what? I don't need a reason. The Joker never had a reason," Apollo said.

"Please, don't even compare yourself to the Joker. You're not even half the villain he is," Percy said. "But I've had enough, Apollo, I'm going to challenge you to a dance-off."

"You have no idea what you're doing boy," Apollo said. "You're challenging the god of music himself. I have years of experience and divine power as well. What do you have?"

_A much smaller ego, _Percy thought.

**(That was a line that was actually in The Lightning Thief.)**

And so, a dance competition began. It was going to be the biggest dance-off in the history of the universe. It was a dance competition that would set half the world on fire, and its tremors would be heard all the way down in Tartarus…

…I wish I could say that. What really happened was something quite different.

The only move that Percy could do was 'The Wave', and even that was far from perfect. Apollo was doing this weird thing that only he could say qualified as 'dancing'.

It was quite pathetic, really.

Grover decided that he had to intervene. He picked up his pipes, and made vines crawl around Apollo's feet. This made him trip, and Ichor, blood of the immortals, started gushing from his ankle.

"No, Perseus, you have somehow defeated me," Apollo said.

"Who's this Perseus guy again?" Percy asked.

Apollo got really angry. He decided to curse Percy, and the curse was spoken with such power that it had to be bolded.

"**I curse you, Percy Jackson. When you will need your dance the most, your dance will fail you."**

"What kind of a curse is that?" Annabeth asked. "How does that make sense?"

"Okay, it doesn't," Apollo said. "I cheated on Curses 101 on Olympus from my sister, Artemis, so I'm not really good at this giving curses thing." With that, he disappeared, and our young heroes made their way to Olympus.


	9. My Pet Scorpion

Zeus had gotten very agitated regarding his lightning bolt. He had spent all that time pacing around in fury, as the thought of having his weapon stolen from him ate away all of his thought…

…No not really. He had actually forgotten about it five minutes after his meeting with Poseidon, and wouldn't have even thought about it again if Percy hadn't come to give it back to him.

"Juice, this is your lightning bolt," Percy said.

"Oh that," Zeus said. "You see, it's nice that you brought it to me and all, but I already ordered a new one over eBay, so I guess it's no big deal really."  
Percy exploded at that point.

"What do you mean? I went through so much just to get your stupid bolt back, and you're saying that you never even needed it in the first place? I'm definitely going to do something about this," Percy said.

"What are you going to do, fight me?" Zeus scoffed.

"No, I'll handle this like a real man. I'll sue you!" Percy said.

Zeus gasped. "Okay Percy, no need to go to such extreme measures. Okay, say what, you can keep that lightning bolt that you have. Is that fine?"

"Yeah, I guess," Percy said. And so, he made his way back to Camp Half Blood. There, Luke talked to him unexpectedly.

"Hey Percy, do you want to go to some undisclosed location with me so that I can mur, I mean, talk with you?" Luke asked.

Once they were at the undisclosed location in question, Luke revealed the truth, that he was the lightning thief and all.

"And now, Percy, I must kill you to silence you once and for all," Luke said. He pulled out a scorpion.

"That scorpion is cute! I want to pet it!" Percy said.

"You want to pet a scorpion? Something is seriously wrong with you," Luke said.

"But it's so cute!" Percy said.

"Shut up! That's an evil scorpion from Hades, and it's demonic as well. A single sting will kill you," Luke said.

"It's not evil," Percy said. "It's just misunderstood. Remember scorpion, you are not a gun. You can make your own choices."

Just then the scorpion talked. It said,

"Percy is right. I'm not evil. You are. Percy has made me realize that I can take my own decisions,"

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard of in this fanfic," Luke said. "And that's really saying something."

Just then, the scorpion stung Luke. He ran away somewhere screaming. Percy then summoned some horses to trample him, and in doing so they squeezed out the venom in Luke's body. He ran away after that. Don't worry, he probably lived, as he is a main villain, and if he died we would have to censor it anyway.

And so, Percy began living with his new pet scorpion happily ever after.


	10. Epilogue

**The Lightning Thief Parody- Epilogue**

It was Christmas, and even Olympus was celebrating. Zeus was excitedly opening his presents, when he saw one from Santa Claus. He opened it.

"I got coal again! No!" he shouted.

**The Lightning Thief Parody- The End**

**No demigods were harmed during the making of this fanfic. Except maybe Percy and Luke.**

**Anyway, so that's the end. I hoped you enjoyed all these chapters, and has as much fun reading them as I had writing them. I write a lot of comedy pieces like this, but I also write serious stuff. 'The Son of Kronos' is one of my more serious fanfics.  
**

**So yeah, rate and review, and I'd really like to know what your favorite part/parts were. That is all. Thanks for reading, and your reviews as well.  
**


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